Tinder #9

I have a saying…..

Any girl that says penis size doesn’t matter is looking for a friend

How important is size to you? – I mean there is TOO big of course, and I’m not asking to have my internal organs assaulted, I’d just like something anatomically satisfying that fits, ya know that hits ‘the spot’, its more a shape than a size thing.

I have another saying….

its important that he’s good in bed

that he can cook

make you laugh

that your friends/kids like him

and that you actually like him too

and its really important these five men never meet each other


so which of those five things can you live without?

its 3.20 am, we’ve had a scrumptious evening of amazing kissing and fornicating, his touch, his kissing, his dialogue all tells me blatantly he is not going anywhere, he is boyfriend material, takes into consideration how my son would feel about ‘us’. He is a gorgeous sweet man, I call him Drogo, and for those familiar with Game of Thrones, you know exactly what I mean, he has long black curly hair, multiple piercings, eyebrow, nipples, various parts of ears, has nicely placed tribal ink, and is half tongan, half irish, he is 30 (see the double pattern there?) He coaches kids sport, he eats the same food as me, he has a job, just an all round great guy.

But like my ex of 16 years, he too has profound sleep apnoea and snores, hence I sit and type about him while he sleeps, I can count on one hand who I have been actually able to sleep with in my whole life, since becoming a mother I wake at the drop of a hat, and once my father died some 17 years ago, I acquired quite a serious case of insomnia, which hasn’t really yet been cured, so sleep alludes me the majority of the time, I much prefer to sleep alone or at least with 2 large pillows, I know, I need help. So actually letting someone ‘sleep-over’ was huge, It felt like teenage exploration, we’ll just kiss and cuddle and fall asleep in each others arms kinda vibe, but you get all skin intoxicated I just wanted to see what I was dealing with, it didn’t deter from his genuine intention to connect with me, he was open and communicative and easy.

I like this guy a lot, but when his shorts finally came off, I thought – oh it will grow like a champignon, we both worked together but the most he could muster was something so insanely disproportioned to his large tall, strong, stocky frame. Why is life so cruel??

Surely men must know……what’s a girl to do? Do you tell them that’s why you cant see them?, Do you make excuses and blow them off? Have I just ruined what could have been a really good friendship? Am I that shallow? Is that the most important thing?

ok maybe its just about positioning……do we try again? or is it just dragging the inevitable out?

So far it seems to me that the bigger a guys dick the more of an asshole he is – or money, but he better have a lot of it to compensate. The nicer the guy, loyal, genuine and kind the smaller the dick.

Please universe can I just have a little bit of everything? interesting, loyal, consistent, funny, useful, naughty, but sensible, grown up, and anatomically in proportion?

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